3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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