Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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