once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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