It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
