Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
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