i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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