Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
