i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
