wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
