dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
