i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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