I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
