Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
