She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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