I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize