wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
