You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
