shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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