he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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