ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize