is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you had me at cake vodka
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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