I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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