i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize