stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
