This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
