stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
my liver is dry heaving
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
