they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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