im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
