I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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