idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
