1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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