oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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