She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
