Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
