just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm really busy with my period
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