Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
