you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize