I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
