My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
