Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
