I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
