Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
