I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
