Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
