It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
