We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
