i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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