he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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