That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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