I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
