Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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