despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
