is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
