I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize