I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
