some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
