Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
