I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
