Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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