Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My hand turned me down
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
They are going to name an STD after you.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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