I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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