Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
