Porn is love you can see.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
