You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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