i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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