chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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