spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
