cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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