Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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