She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
