I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
