Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
