I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
